Hi pals! Welcome to the newest book review! Today I am sharing with you my thoughts on How to They/Them: A Visual Guide to Nonbinary Pronouns and the World of Gender Fluidity by Stuart Getty. This book is a guide that unpacks the questions you or others may have surrounding being non-binary, gender fluid, gender nonconforming, and more.
Have you ever wondered what nonbinary or gender nonconforming actually mean? And isn’t they/them plural? Well, this book answers those questions, and honestly way more than even I would have thought to have included. Between the witty commentary and the well thought out illustrations to go alongside it, this is a perfect 101 to those who want to learn more about bathrooms and pronouns.
As a non-binary trans person, this book resonated HARD with me. I was the tom boy growing up, going by Sam, and then Sammiy, and now back to Sam, I’ve been “lost” my entire life, even when the term tom boy felt close enough. I had an undercut, bowl cut, and wore jorts. I was the weird kid who stayed inside during recess to play made up card games with “the other weird kid”, who turned out to be one of my closes friends, and I just never felt like I belonged anywhere. This book, this book truly helped me feel seen.
Stuarts journey and mine are similar, but as with many non-binary and transgender stories they are not the same at all. We both grew up in small midwest towns, we both have supportive partners that love us, and we have a strong sense of self in who we are and where we are going. But many parts were vastly different, and that’s the beauty of our journeys. We are all there to grow, learn, and change together.
“They may only be for some, but freedom is for everyone.”
My existence has been made political, and my safety is at risk every single time I leave my apartment. I am privileged. I’m white, and I and in a cis-passing relationship when I am out with my partner in public. But even the act of keeping my pronouns in my work bio is seen as a “political stunt” and I can be retaliated against, with anything from coworker bullying to losing my job. Changing my gender marker isn’t something I feel safe doing, because some states are now attacking those with “x” gender markers. I am lucky I live in a state that still allows trans and gender affirming care.
This book explains the exact reasons as to why/what/how you can support your non-binary and trans friends. How you can be a better ally. How you can be a better friend. A better parent. It gives you history, facts, truths, and answers to questions you may be asking. This is a wonderful and powerful resource for those looking to learn and grow and support their non-binary friends, family members, coworkers, students, or just unlearn gender roles in that we have been forced to believe as a society.
